I wrote this some time ago for a magazine my friend was to edit; somehow the magazine never got published and I forgot about it. Came across it this evening and thought because tomorrow is of Valentine’s Day will publish it as a sign of my love for the Geek :)
Playstation, Xbox, Wii U, DS…if it’s a console, I’ve heard of it and I probably have it in my house. Not because I am an enthusiast, but my husband is. Of course, this was a passion that I have had to contend with over the past 12 years of being with him. Now it’s just a part of the package of the man I’ve married. Turns out I’ve become immune to certain elements of the ‘deal’, and was reminded of the funny aspects of it recently. So if you’re dating a Gamer, just got married to one, or your beloved is considering becoming a Gamer, here are a few things to look out for. Consider this a disclaimer. Facts of life you’re going to have to accept as part and parcel of the man you love, along with the eternal toilet seat up, the burps and excessive body hair.
Very expensive headphones were purchased, ‘for the sake of the family’, to save us from the incessant gaming noise. Now I’ve realised it was to save him from me. My requests and demands literally fall on deaf ears. Sometimes, I think he ignores me intentionally because if I say something like, ‘your tea is ready’ up he comes. Yet if I complain, ‘you forgot to put your towel out’ he doesn’t move a muscle. So yes, headphones are a sign that your nagging is about to be ignored. Fight it ladies. Fight for the right to nag. Say no to headphones.
- No sleep
They say sleep is for the weak, ‘they’ have probably met a Gamer. Sleep is not for the hardcore. My husband gives up sleeping for gaming. Apparently it’s the best time to game. This man, who was dozing off at 10pm while watching Game of Thrones, stays up till 3am…gaming! Logic and reason fail to explain why this is really a bad idea, so I just go with it (and post a whole bunch of stuff on his Facebook wall about the importance of sleep).
- Dinner/date night conversations
If most of your dinner conversations revolve around him telling you why ‘Arkham Knight’ is so amazing, then my child you and I are in the same boat. I now know the backstory to ‘Witcher 3’, ALL the Batman games and why the next Halo game won’t be as good as the previous games because a different developer did it. For a week he moaned about how Vesemir was killed by Imlerith! Vese-who? Imle-what?
- You know lots of useless information
Heard of Bungie? Naughty Dog? Rocksteady? They’re game developers. Kratos ring any bells? How about Princess Peach, Yoshi and Luigi? Yennefer? Ciri? They’re all characters. You probably know most of the DC and Marvel characters because of the barrage of comic book movies these days, so I won’t go into that.
Lately I dream of my husband shouting, “THRALL COMING MACHANG!” – that’s cos he’s really into Destiny these days, and Thrall are some form of enemy. Personally, I now hate that word. It’s amazing how his English is generally grammatically correct, but his gaming language would kill the Queen.
- Your kids consider ‘watching-thathi-gaming’ an acceptable form of recreation
‘What shall we do today?’ I ask my four year old son, who’s just woken up from his nap. “Watch Thathi play Batman!” which will be echoed by my two year old daughter, who will do a jig and then run off behind the brother.
Really, need I say any more?
- Best friends are gamers
My best friends are those I spent the last few years of school with. My husband is in touch with a maximum of 3 friends from school. His bosom buddies are all introverted gamers, who are enthusiastic extroverts when they meet up and then yell at each other in gamer gibberish. ‘Tis fun. They boast about how tolerant their wives and girl friends are. If only they knew. If only they knew.
- Money spent on games, not groceries
The only way I know how much is being spent on games is because I am the one who accepts the numerous packages from the courier, and pay the duty (till he comes home and reimburses me, of course!). It is an expensive passion is all I have to say. Sigh.
- Core leave/annual leave is taken depending on what games have been released
“Uncharted is out in September! It’s a good thing I’m on leave then” – coincidence? Nah.
- Non gamer visitors are ignored
Literally. As if they’re not there. The headphones are on, and they eyes are directed towards the TV. No one else, except the kids, is taken any notice of.
- You suck at being a Gamer
I am really bad. No one likes to play with me. I cannot walk with my head up in Halo, because I don’t really get the whole up-is-down and down-is-up controller thing, and even in Mario Bros. I’m always the last. I put it down to the universe deciding that my husband is enough Gamer for the two of us.
Yes, I like to complain. I like to nag. I also love my husband. While he’s a passionate Gamer, he’s also a gentle giant of a husband and a loving father. He games, not smokes. He stays up, at home; he’s not out drinking. I am grateful for my small blessings…but a girl’s got to complain😉