Dear HFC,
I’ve been meaning to write this for some time. I’ve been meaning to get this off my chest. I don’t know how those around me will react – there may be drama, there will be bitching. I think that’s ok. It’s really nothing new.
First of all I want to thank you, dear alma mater, for who I am today. I would not be today’s Shannon, if not for you. Once upon a time I was a misfit. I didn’t know where I belonged. Then, there was a performance in school of Romeo and Juliet. I was hooked. There. There were the Akkis I wanted to be like. No, not because I wanted to be popular but because I thought I could be like them. I could be talented. That hope, was like a drug to me, it motivated me SO much. And you, dear HFC, gave me that chance. Not just that, you gave me many many chances. Thanks to you I won Best All Island Actress at Shakes; thanks to you I was PGA at CoMUN; thanks to you I led a debating team that won the Youth Shield; thanks to you I won Best Speaker at Youth Shield. All, thanks to you. I know that sounded like me blowing my horn, but I cannot say what I have to say without highlighting all these achievements. Most importantly HFC, because of you I met my friends. My forever friends. They are my closest friends, cos you’ve made me wary of having too many ‘close’ friends.
Sadly HFC, we both know that these accomplishments weren’t those of the happy kind. They were hard earned, and hardly appreciated by you HFC…you still don’t give a damn.
It’s also thanks to you that I am so jaded now. I owe whatever level of maturity that I’ve got because of what YOU put me through. You who allowed some mean boy to spray paint my name on the school walls, and disowned me because it really wasn’t your business – you didn’t bother to ask me what happened; you who allowed some petty peevish person to send hate mail about me, and punished ME for it; you who made me cry everyday when on my way to school; you who made my mother BEG me to go to school, because I didn’t want to come and take shit from you; you who probably honed my acting skills because I was so good at pretending nothing was wrong. It was all you, and the spiteful people you protected. You protected them, while they hurt me. Forgiveness is a trait Familians should inculcate, I know. But you will not have my forgiveness. You broke me. There, I’ve said it. Maybe I’m being dramatic. Given my penchant for drama, perhaps I am. I don’t know. All I know is that whenever I think about my school life, I’m filled with rage. With anger. And yes, sometimes with hatred. I’ve let, most of it, go. Then, someone gives me some crap about HFC and how I OWE you…that, that makes me fucking mad. I owe you nothing. I may have entered competitions as a student from HFC, but my victories were not celebrated by you HFC…my victories were ignored by you. I remember, the day before the Shakespeare Drama Competition, the Principal told us that our excerpt (one that we funded, and produced under duress) was “not worthy of being called drama”. After we won Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress, the announcement was made forcibly, because the Office ‘forgot’ about us. Thanks HFC, thanks-a-fucking-lot. I must mention though, that when I returned to school with my A Level results I was lauded for being ‘great’ and, ‘amazing’ by the hypocrites who judged me, ridiculed me, punished me and told me that I was worthless. Wow. Just wow. Oh, and then when I became a teacher at Ladies’ College and came back to school, I was told to “give back to school, what school had given me” instead of teaching at LC *rolls eyes*. It’s amazing how everyone forgets, so so soon.
Humility is something else seared into Familians’ minds, personally I think excessive doses of humility robs these girls of their ability to stand up and believe in themselves. We’re so good at blending into the background and making sure everything works well we forget the joy of taking credit for something. The joy of accomplishment. The joy knowing ‘I can’, not ‘we can’ but I. Me. When I was there, dear HFC, I didn’t think I could. I was coming in for a nervous breakdown because I couldn’t fathom WHY I was being persecuted. I didn’t know WHAT I had done to deserve this kind of treatment. Sure, I was bossy, bigmouthed and opinionated – but did that deserve what you put me through? I have lost count of the number of times I was summoned to the Principal’s office to inquire where I was the previous day at 3pm, berated in public outside the Staff Room for being “loose”. I had a boyfriend, the man who is now my husband and the father of my children was then my boyfriend. He was singular, not ‘many boyfriends’, he was also abroad at that time. So essentially I stood there, while I was accused of sleeping around and being ‘loose’. Thanks. Really, thanks.
The reason I’m writing this to you dear HFC, is that lately I’ve been meeting kids who are going through the same crap I did, in different ways. Grow up HFC. Grow some balls. Adapt to the times. Stop making these girls into frustrated, chastised, horny kids who go berserk when they leave school. Just stop. Cut them some slack. They are not the enemy. You’ve been ENTRUSTED with these girls to mould them into something better, give them values they cannot get any where else. Don’t screw it up. You’ve essentially become the Big Brother, only in a female form (the Big Sister? Oh, the irony). Why? What’s wrong with liberalism? What’s wrong with change? The reason I’m writing is so that someone, somewhere out there will resonate with me. Will DO something to make a change. I’d love to make a change, but I don’t want to. I’m sorry. I just don’t. You can call me a coward, you can (continue to) judge me, but I won’t. An injustice has been committed to me, and there’s no point airing that in this public forum. I deserve something, that you HFC, have not given me. So no, I’m not going to ‘be’ the change. I’m just a girl who is a petty teenager inside, taking out all that shit she was at the receiving end of, and putting it out there. I don’t want your sympathy or your empathy. I want you to know that I’ve got the guts to say here’s what you did to me, and it was wrong. It was wrong to punish me the way you did. Please don’t punish anyone else. Don’t become the evil people want to eradicate, that people fight against – be the force of good.
If not, karma’s gonna get you.
Best,
Shannon
P.S. I know there are many of you out there who had the best time of your lives at HFC. I’m not disputing that. It was YOUR time. It wasn’t mine. In retrospect, I should have left. But when I wanted to leave it was too late. I regret that. I’m entitled to my own opinion, you don’t have to agree with it. You don’t have to berate me for it.
womaninprogressblog 
Hi Shannon,
I don’t know you but I read about your post on FB and that’s how I ended up here. I’m sorry about the experiences you endured but thanks so much for writing this post. I’m not a Familian and I never went through the type hell you went through but my own school experience at a ‘leading Sinhala- Buddhist girls’ school’ (*puke*) was probably the most depressing, lonely and crushing period of my life. I may have seemed outwardly content but it was a toxic environment that made me feel like I was nothing and that I’d never amount to anything.
I think their approach was to crush our individuality and our spirit and to re-mould us into brainless drones that just propagated their prudish, sexist and racist ideology. It was so ingrained into the school culture that I never realised how devastating it was until a few years after I left school.
Many of us weren’t outstanding students partly because we never had the confidence to try anything and there was no conducive environment to try, fail and try again, which is what a school is supposed to do. If you weren’t born great or had connections, no one gave a shit and you weren’t worth the school’s time. I’m glad that someone of your calibre wrote this article. Anything from a lesser mortal would have been disregarded as the rantings of a loser, no matter how unjust the situation.
A few people I know feel the same way as I do about our time at school, but many others still have an idealized and romanticised notion of the past. Maybe some of them really did have a positive experience and the others just have a bad case of Stockholm Syndrome.
Reading through the comments, I’m glad that a lot of people empathize with you but it’s also appalling that there are so many people who have suffered like this. Maybe the culture of our schools (not just HFC) where there is no tolerance, respect and acceptance for diversity and difference of opinion is the reason our society is plagued with so much of prejudice, racism and sexism.
Anyway that’s my two cents’ worth. Thanks again for the article and all the best!
Hi Shannon, I just realized I was not alone! I went to “the leading Buddhist Boys School” in the country. Guess what even before my son was born I knew he wasn’t going there. I am not going to repeat what you wrote because it was pretty much the same. You know how I heal? I show my kids with more love than one can imagine, I send them to a much better school that does NOT break them. I hug them when I am hurting…
I’m truly sorry you had to experience this hurt at school. Nuns can be very frustrated and they end up taking it out on the students. That being said I think this hate is unnecessary and doesn’t reflect well when someone blasts their alma mater on a public forum. Life usually hands you bad experiences and the key is to rise above all of it and emerge a better person. The fact that you’re still harbouring on this ten years later is only doing you harm. Let it go!
First off Shannon, as a teacher set an example wherever you may be, so I guess, everyone focusing on your (bad) language is agreeable. You may say that even a Pre-school kid knows/uses the-so-called-bad-language but that doesnt mean you should continue using them.
Next, I dont disagree to your point or the bad experiences you went through during your time in school but posting it on public and giving others the bad impression about HFC is the problem I see here. Please keep in mind that whatever you have to share is about the place your learnt your basics in life, from A-B-C to 1+1=2 to valuable traits to good qualities. Personal opinions and sharing your thoughts should be done in a proper manner, its should be voiced accordingly and I dont think this is the way.
I was in school while you were schooling too but as far as I remember your achievements were appreciated and announced and the school might have missed one mistakenly and if your fuss is about that, shame on you!
Do you wanna punish the school for what school did to you by spreading hate about HFC? You say thats its not your intent but unknowingly you do that! Stop spreading hate about HFC. If you think your article is gonna change school, you are wrong. If you really wanna change HFC and its ill-treating ways (as you refer) just go to school and talk yourself out without talking behind their backs.
I remember you as a chubby, sweet, fair akki but now TBH, its saddening to see a Familian like you out there. I see many disappointed Familians commenting on your post but none of them discriminated HFC in public until now. Either they shared their sadness with family and friends or moved on and found their own successful paths.
I dont see any good in here though have spoken the truth.
Sometimes the truth hurts.
Dear Shannon,
Please let me have the details of those in school currently facing the same situation as you, so that I can take this matter up further.
It is a pity that you posted this 10 years too late for you, and that your mother did not take you out of school at that time, as perhaps, it would have lessened the hate that you carry towards HFC. That might have helped you also to be more objective in the present context as remember, that there is always two sides to a story.
I have been actively involved in the Welfare Board of the school, both as a professional and a past pupil for several years now and keen that HFC, who has seen thousands pass through her gate with their heads held high (right up until last year) also gets a fair hearing.
In response to some postings:
Below are some observations that I have made, having had the privilege of interacting with school girls of various ages in the last few years, at sports workshops, speech and drama contests, trip to Jaffna with the tamil girls choir who won the all Island contest in 2010 and at last year’s English drama.
• Contrary to some reports ‘CJ’ alias the ‘wicked witch of west’ does have a good interaction with students and is passionate about the student and education. She is not interested in participating in a popularity contest.
• Hundreds of applications flood in annually for grade I admissions from parents desperately seeking admission for their children AND for a Catholic education.
• The Parent Teacher Association is a very active body which would highlight abuse if any between student and teacher. Their work in improving standards across the school is commendable.
• Student achievements are acknowledged. Student and Teachers Day is celebrated annually in October. It is an inspiring event.
Remember all, we spend only around 8 hours a day in school. Formation of the child has already taken place prior to her entering the school at Grade I level, and the ultimate responsibility for the well-being of the child rests with their parents.
Best regards/Shamani Fonseka.
Dear Shannon,
I was very sorry to read what you had written about HFC. Your language is appalling and is in bad taste. It is even more shocking because you claim to be a teacher. I studied in this great institution and I believe that children are natured with good values, whether you agree or not. You may have had problems but the way you have dealt with is completely out of line. You cannot speak for the majority. You can speak only for yourself and you should have the guts to do it by having a healthy discussion and not going all public about it. It seems as if you are seeking attention, so you should do it in some other way, in some other place, somewhere else without going public about who you really are.
Charmaine
Dear Charmaine,
i know who you are.
Me
You are not me. So no affiliation to this.
What was your objective of writing this Shannon? Curious to know?
And wondering – whether your objective achieved?
The reason I ask is because I too went to HFC . Perhaps 10 years before your time.
but we are now women. No longer little girls who have to conform or defer to authority about the length of your uniform or the style of your hair. In fact we are now women who have the opportunities to be leaders in our community. To be the change we want to see. To live the leadership we felt lacked. to be the role models for our girls and younger women.
The person I am today is influenced more by adversity I lived through than the accolades and achievements I won.
Don;t get me wrong, I am not defending unhealthy teaching practices or narrow attitudes…
but for a minute, I would not doubt this exists in just one school. In fact I have encountered some of the most discouraging stories about the attitudes of teachers and the education system through the work I engage in….and it is worse now than before because of the massive competition our children face by both the school, their families and the limited margin of choices they have to fight for.
Channel your anger and injustice into the remedy. That is what the great leaders of our time have done…. Imagine where Mandela would have led South Africa to, if he came out demanding vengeance for 25 years of imprisonment for not being valued?
Get rid of the nun in your head
Take over the reigns Lady!
12 years of schooling is something a lot of girls around the world are still fighting for.
Hi Roshan,
Thanks for being ‘nicer’ than most. If I am to speak the truth, I did not foresee any of this happening. I had no objective in writing this except that I was angry; a conversation sparked off my rage and I was transported back to the horrid last few months in school, and all of my insecurities came tumbling back. It was just a means to let it out, get it off my chest. I understand this has gone ‘viral’ and I am, everyday, fielding off questions and comments and messages from EVERYONE. I had an opinion and I’ve shared it. I have not mentioned any names, readers have drawn their own assumptions based on what I’ve written – I don’t think I can be held liable for this. HOWEVER the responses that I’ve had are staggering. Apart from the comments on this post, which are MERELY the tip of the iceberg, I’ve had a multitude of private messages on FB, emails, and texts of stories of abuse, bullying in schools all over Colombo. I am, unfortunately, too self involved with my life and that of my family to be another Mandela (for one must remember that Mandela, and even Gandhi were not family-men – they were too focussed on the greater good). I am flattered at the secrets that I’ve been entrusted with, but sadly I know not what to do with them. Yet I believe that those who shared their stories with me felt similarly to what i’ve experienced. Contrary to what many of the older ladies, who’ve been my most recent commentators and whose voices must also be heard, believe there is SO much going on in your children’s school lives. I’m not limiting myself to HFC here, because this can of worms has exceeded the boundaries of Retreat Road. I feel that this outpouring must be a symptom of a greater cancer that perhaps needs some long term chemotherapy. Perhaps instead of slinging mud at the person who wielded the can opener, the worms should be caught first? And squashed?
However, our society is extremely narrow minded sometimes and needs to get into the semantics of things. Yes, my language was harsh. However, let’s chalk that down to ‘Ye without sin cast the first stone’ eh? Yes, I am a teacher. I have had good teachers, and they have inspired me. No, I am currently not a teacher at Ladies’ College. I left LC at least 8 years ago, because University began not because I had any issues there. I have meant no harm, and should anyone wish to read my previous posts my constant mantra has been that I write as a form of catharsis. So, this was cathartic in a way and whatever it has generated was never intended.
You know what, I’m just going to post this now and stop explaining myself 🙂